He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
