so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
