loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
