There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
