What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
