that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want nice things and good sex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize