I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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