it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
