next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
