Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
