literally had 100 drinks last night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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