So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
