somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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