Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
