i wish my penis had a tongue
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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