it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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