I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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