please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
