fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
