Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
