somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
