508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
