from now on my penis is your penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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