If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
