So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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