I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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