You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
