So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
