Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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