We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
