Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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