Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
