I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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