That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
