I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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