There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
