I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
