Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
