My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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