I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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