Who wears a wallet chain?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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