there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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