Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
