i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
