News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
