He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
