here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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