god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
