chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
