Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
