So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
