the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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