Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
