Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
