i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
