Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just wanna soil my oats bro
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've blown a few things in my day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
