I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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