Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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