I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
