Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
