Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
