you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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