According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
