I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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