The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
