clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish there were birth control emojis
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
