sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
