sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
