I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
