i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
