Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
