Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
