margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize