I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
