I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
