someone threw a dead crab at me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
