Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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