So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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