when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
